(The following is an abridged text taken from Andrew Nonymous' "Unauthorised Biographies of WWA Superstars" (2004.)

(When one thinks of who will be the next WWA Champion, several names immediately present themselves. Ian Tense, Chance, Enigma and Wes Sanders are but a few that spring to mind. Each of these men demonstrate, week in and week out, the attributes befitting a Champion of WWA calibre.

But there is one man who is regularly overlooked on such lists. He has shown flashes of brilliance befitting a WWA World Champion, but at other times has struggled to compete at a mid card level. That man is Mal Somers. Lets take a look at what makes Mal Somers who he is today, and why, in this authors mind at least, he deserves the gold.

Mal Somers was born on the 4th of November 1976 in the state that he has always called home, New York. Long Island New York to be exact. He was raised by Martha and Edward Somers, an only child. Though that is often a precursor to a slightly spoiled childhood, Mal never seemed to be the type to throw tantrums and the like. An interview with an old school teacher, Mrs Ryan shed some interesting information.

"Malcolm was always a delight to teach. We called him the quiet achiever. He kept to himself but on the other hand was always courteous and willing the help others. He did have some imaginary play friends though, I heard these continued until at least his sophomore year, which is a bit weird, come to think of it."

Mal achieved good to strong grades in most of his subjects, but excelled at English. An interview with his English teacher Mr Maxwell uncovered the following tidbit.

"Mal was always carrying a darn Scrabble board around with him. Constantly challenging people to Scrabble Tournaments and the like. He had a thirst for words that remained unparalleled. You'd have to be a real monkey to try and go one on one with him!"

Mal went on to study mineral exploration at University and graduated with honors. He was quickly snapped up by a multi-national gold mining company. It was this early thirst for gold that foreshadowed the hunger for gold that exists to this very day in the WWA. Mal toiled away for many years, going to all corners of the globe for the ultimate prize - that being a sizeable haul of gold. An interview with an old colleague, Darren Blackwell discovered:

"Mal was a very hard worker. Sure there were always those around who were a bit more flamboyant, those that worked their way to the top quicker, but for many years, Mal believed that his strong work ethic would enable him to ascend to the top of the corporate ladder. Unfortunately, that never occured."

Darren is correct. Sadly for Mal, he was fired when a gold exploration project he was working on in Central Africa failed to be productive. Rumor has it that Somers was made a scapegoat by upper management, when in fact it was their ineptitude that was to blame. Somers spiralled into a sea of despair, as former exotic dancer Vanessa the Undresser (not her real name) explains.

"Oh yeah honey, Mal was down at the Foxy Club most nights, he was what you call a regular. He was very shy though, always seemed to be staring down at his belt buckle and talking. But he always left with a smile on his face, if you know what I mean."

No, Vanessa, no I don't. But moving along, apparently the Foxy Club was next door to an old Gymnasium where Mal fell back in love with what was formerly his weekend and after work hobby, professional wrestling. He sought solace in the dedication and training involved, and over time, he spent less time at the Foxy Club and more at the gym. So concurs his old trainer, "Hardball" Jimmy McGraw.

"Yep he spent less time at the Foxy Club and more at the gym."

Thanks Jimmy. After several years of intense training, Somers became the "Chairman" of his own one man company. He returned to his former workplace, silver colored chair in hand and hospitalised many former co – workers and upper management. In fact he injured everyone except for his former secretary, Penny Wise who he always had a soft spot for. You may remember Penny by her moniker in the EWA and briefly in the WWA, as Miss Wise. She acted as his "personal assistant" both in and out of the ring, as Penny divulged.

"I will forever feel terrible for what I did to Mal. We had such a good thing going, but I strayed. I saw someone else who was rising to the top a lot quicker, and I went to where I saw the gold to be. I'm so sorry Mal!"

We will get to that shortly, but first up, after moving in his new direction in life, in his search for the ultimate gold prize, he and his Miss Wise, were recruited to the Euromerican Wrestling Association, where, in spite of his technical and aerial skill, he quickly became embroiled in bitter feuds within their Extreme Division against the likes of his now best friend Dave Harley and Lockdown. Soon after, he became their Extreme Champion and all was great. Mal had finally attained the gold that he was so eager to capture. Dave Harley added these thoughts;

"What can I say about Mal? Every time he got out there in the EWA, he would give his all. It was those attributes that I despised in the EWA that I came to admire when we were thrown together in the WWA. And he is a great Scrabble player, almost as good as me! Woo!"

However, things rapidly crashed down for Somers, as he lost his title, funnily enough to Dave Harley in a "Windy City Brawl" and his valet, Miss Wise was "abducted". After a short break, he debuted in the WWA in search of Miss Wise and more gold! In a candid interview, Trent LeBeaux, better known as WWA legend and 3 time World Champion Tracer Bullet stated...

"When Somers debuted back in September 2002 and said he was launching an investigation into the whereabouts of Miss Wise... Well, to tell you the truth, I was a little miffed. I mean, that could be construed as ripping off my gimmick. But after hanging out with Mal at some of the shows, I can say he is a genuinely nice guy. A little kooky, but he has a genuine desire to attain gold in the WWA."

Somers' first taste of WWA gold occured at the 2002 Birthday Bash. Somers faced off against the Rookie Champion, Barrett Sinclair, as well as his EWA alumnus Mac Maloy and Dave Harley in an elimination match for the Rookie Title. It came down to Harley and Somers, not for the first and not for the last time in their storied career. Mary "Ringrat" Bingham was there in attendance.

"Mal and Dave were pretty evenly matched, but then Mal hit the Hostile Takeover, I think he calls it the Somersassault now, and he pinned Harley for the Rookie Title. Even though he was often seen backstage with a smug look on his face, and let me tell you, I have seen a lot of the boys backstage, when he held that Title up high, you could see the happiness in his eyes. He really wanted that gold, and when he got it, you could tell it completed him."

We all know about Somers' "relationship" with the Rookie Title. One thing our researchers uncovered was that shortly after winning the Title, Somers again came crashing down with the news that his valet and personal assistant was not abducted, but even worse, she had shacked up with another man. That man was another EWA alumnus, a man who had tasted success at a much grander scale than Somers. That man was Leviathan.

Leviathan debuted in amazing fashion, basically destroying Somers in front of a rabid crowd, as Wise formally dumped Somers on national television. Normally the crowd would boo Somers, and cheer for his downfall, but Levithans actions won the sympathy of the fans and they started to warm to Somers. The Rookie Champion was desperate for revenge and turned to the one man he thought he never would, his old rival Dave Harley, to take on a common enemy. New York Times wrestling reporter Sam Williams stated:

"I remember I was shocked when I saw Dave and Mal go toe to toe for the first time without trading blows. Sure, there was an underlying tension between the two, but rumour has it this faded away after a Scrabble marathon and a case of beers. I still remember Dave thinking he coined the term "Extreme Corporation" when it was actually his PA, Jill. What a classic."

The Extreme Corporation (or X-Corp) as termed by their loyal fanbase immediately launched into an allout offensive against Leviathan and Lockdown (The Cell), Miss Wise and evil Fiesta Commissioner, Antonio Cruz, which resulted in a multitude of innovative and crazy matches, twists and turns including the infamous Burning Hell in a Cell Match at March Madness. President of the X-Corp fan club Lionel Schwarzkowski was there:

"DUDE! That match was freaking wild! I was there live! It had everything, blood, guts, sweat, fire! I downloaded the bootleg of the match and copied it to VCD man, it was that good! I still watch it whenever I am feeling down. The only bad thing is my girlfriends eyebrows were singed off by the fire! I don't see her any more. **sniff**"

We'll leave Lionel to wallow in that thought. Perhaps more relevant is the fact that X-Corp walked, or rather, were stretchered away from that match as WWA Tag Team Champions. Somers pinned Lockdown for the victory and once again got the gold he had hungered for. The fact he put himslef through so much pain and agony is testement to the unique mindset that drives the man.

In the weeks prior to this momentus matchup, the formation of the EWA was announced and the Rookie Title was retired to make way for the EWA Title. Somers was allowed to keep the belt for being the longest serving Rookie Champion in WWA History, and in a historic moment, Mal attached woollen hair and macaroni facial features to the belt.

Rookie was born. The fact that Mal never actually lost the Rookie Title, and the heartache of losing Miss Wise were the catalyst for this unique friendship. However, around mid 2003, Rookie was stolen by Eddie van Dorn and once again Mal was furious. Eddie had told Mal he could get the beloved Rookie back once he could show Eddie that he could stay in the fans good graces without this "prop". And also display the quality Eddie prized the most.

This all came to a head at the May Revolution Pay Per View, you see at the same time Dave Harley was being biven some grief by Chance, and at Revolution the two came to blows. Mal made the save and the crowd were fully behind Somers. This brought out van Dorn who could see the fans support for Somers without Rookie. Dave's PA, Jill was there.

"When Chance ripped open his Hawaiian shirt to reveal an X-Corp shirt, the crowd went insane. When Dave and Mal revealed it was all a ruse to get Rookie back, it was clear to Eddie that Mal really craved the gold. He respected that, big time."

Unfortunately in a pattern seen before, when Mal gained one thing he lost another, and at a unprecedented King of the Hill match at May Revolution, the Tag Champs X-Corp defended against Havoc, The Cell and The Deluccis. Havoc walked away the winners, and the belts were retired soon after. Since then, Mal has been in search of more gold, but til this point it has proven fruitless. Challenges for the TV Title held by Joey K and the GenX Title from Bonafide have been unsuccessful. Dave Harley again:

"You can tell it is eating him away from the inside. He came to the WWA to accumlate gold but has not been able to do so in recent months. That desire is still there, oh boy don't I know it."

Indeed Dave does. Upon winning the Intercontinental Title, Dave has been harassed by Somers on a continual basis for a Title shot. Dave was reluctant, fearful of ruining the friendship. But Somers' desire, his hunger for the gold transcended all of this. Many thought Mal was going to pummel Harley with a sledgehammer to get him to say yes, but how wrong they were.

The New Year opened for Fiesta on January 5th and it closed for Rookie. Mal destroyed Rookie with the hammer to show Harley how much this shot meant. Fiesta closed with a simple handshake and now the two will face off in a "No Gimmick" matchup at Rage in the Cage.

In summary;

Somers career has had its share of ups and downs.

Wins and losses.

Whenever he has been at the highest, it has also brought on new lows.

He was stripped of the Rookie Title only to create a new friend.

He won a Tag Title only to have Rookie taken away.

He regained Rookie only to lose the Tag Title with Harley.

Since then, Somers has been on a dry spell. When his thirst for the gold was quenched, he resorted to desperate measures on a regular basis, be it flaming Hell in a Cell's, creating elaborate ruses, or teaming up with hated rivals.

Now that he has been hungry for so long, Mal has destroyed the gold most valuable to him in search of something greater, the Intercontinental Title.

If Somers was that desperate, that hungry, for that long, just imagine the hunger he has for the ultimate gold.

THE WWA WORLD TITLE

(Copyright Andrew Nonymous' "Unauthorised Biographies of WWA Superstars" (2004.)







Feeding time is now.

(Fade away.)