"A smug, over confident loser?!"

(The scene begins with Tommy Starr at his favorite day spa. Wearing a thick white towelling robe, the words "Silver Glades Health Retreat" embroidered across the back of the robe in green silk show where this segment is taking place. A thick white towel is wrapped around his head, although with not much hair to keep dry, one can only assume it is some weird fashion statement.)

"Well Crumpetman, two out of three ain't bad. As I say time and time again, when you are as talented, as charismatic, as awesome as I am, you can afford to be sure of yourself and brimming with self confidence."

(Starr holds his right foot out as a young lady sets about giving his foot a thorough massage. Starr's eyes close but his mouth does not.)

"As for the loser bit, well that's where I beg to differ. Lets just see who the loser is this Monday at Meltdown. It's going to be one of us, and it sure as hell isn't going to be me!"

(Starr chuckles at himself. The attractive masseuse, seing Starr's eyes shut, rolls here eyes.)

"In fact, I think you are ALREADY a loser! I mean, what kind of chumpwad would spend their night in a new City wandering the streets, talking to himself, sleeping on a park bench? Not this kind of chumpwad!"

(Starr grins then pouts.)

"I mean, uh...oh I don't have to explain myself to you welfare junkies at home anyways. All I will say is, my first night in London I was out on the town til the break of dawn, scoring with chicks left right and centre!"

(The masseuse wrenches Starr's foot and apologies, with a satisfied grin.)

"Owww. I mean Jordan was buying me drinks and I was a Tommy Starr sandwich between Emma Bunton and Martine McCutcheon! I was the man! And I certainly wasn't sleeping on a park bench like some lonely bum, no way! Tommy Starr had no time for sleeping!"

(Starr sits up and straightens the towel on his head.)

"So Crumpetman, what I am trying to say is, you are the loser, not me. And the fact that you are a loser will be proven to the minions out there this Monday when you get a dose of the Starr Treatment!

"I mean, for Starr's sakes, I proved how dumb you were the night you debuted in the WWA, forcing you into a match with the worlds dumbest wrestler Shaman, and I will do it again and again til you leave wrestling for good! Now, if you will excuse me, I need to relax..."

(Starr lazes back as we begin to fade out.)

"So, honey, do I get a "happy ending" with this massage?"

WHACK!

(Fade Out)