(We begin with none other than Tommy Starr staring at the camera in his home gymnasium, showing off his tanned and chiselled physique to all his fans watching WWA Insider, complete with grunts and groans as he poses. The camera zooms out and moves to the side and shows that he is actually doing this in front of a mirror. He hits one last pose and turns to the camera.)

Starr: Well I guess all you pathetic losers at home have been waiting for Tommy Starr to talk about his upcoming match at Fiesta. Whats there to say? It will be a whitewash of epic proportions. Believe it or not, it will be more one sided than a Tommy Starr versus Reverend Squeak match...and that’s as one sided as they come.

(Starr grabs a towel and pats dry his wet skin before hanging the towel around his neck. He puts on his customary tinted sunglasses before turning back to the camera.)

Starr: As if a Starr versus Flake Ransom match wouldn’t already be a walkover for yours truly, this match will also have my man Psycho Steven Murphy backing me up, just in case Hanson gets up to any offbeat hijinks and tries to cheat or something. We will make this Rage Against The Machine wannabe our on personal Devils Own punching bag, and then I will pin Ransom. Its as simple as that. Then I’ll go back to my dressing room, where all the ring rats wait for Tommy Starr, and celebrate with my Starr Struck fans!

(Starr runs his hands over his bleach blond hair and then picks something up from a nearby bench. It is Reverand Tweaks Bible. He walks to a trophy cabinet behind him which has a couple of old dusty second place trophies on it, and stands the good book open in there, and closes the doors.)

Starr: Geek, I’ve decided to keep your Bible, as a reminder to me...a reminder that in every one of our one on one matchups, I pinned you. I beat your ass. And there was nothing that the penguins or doves or swallows of the world could do to help. Not even with their ice cream. Tweak, some advice. Give it up already. Out with the old and in with the new I say!

(Starr puts on a black DEVILS OWN T-Shirt and admires his form in the mirror again. He then flips the bird at the camera, and holds it there.)

Starr: Tracer Full of S*it, Private Dick...consider that my RSVP to your little Brawl this Monday. Sorry if I'm late but...actually I’m not sorry, I could care less! I’ll be there, and with my Devils Own posse there in full effect, we will be like the UNTOUCHABLES! To finish, because it s*its me to tears talking to all you dweebs at home, sitting like couch potatoes watching on your twenty year old television sets, I’m going to do some word association about some of my opponents. Lets see...

(Starr pulls out a small tape recorder and presses Play. He provides an answer to each name that is said.)

**Jimmi Zion**
Starr: Moron.

**Showtime**
Starr: Moron.

**James Curzon**
Starr: Moron.

**Shaman**
Starr: Moron.

**Se7en**
Starr: Moron.

**Chance**
Starr: Moron.

**Reverand Tweak**
Starr: Moron.

**Eddie Van Dorn**
Starr: Moron.

**Dave Harley**
Starr: Moron.

**Mal Somers**
Starr: Moron.

**Venny LeTrav**
Starr: Moron.

**Joey K**
Starr: Moron.

**MyZery**
Starr: Moron.

**Nick Adams**
Starr: Moron.

**Mystery Opponents**
Starr: Morons.

DEVILS OWN
DEAL WITH IT