(Showtime sits in the green room for a local Maryland radio affiliate of NBC. The Independence Day Rumble is just days away, and the WWA is eager to get any 'mainstream' promotion time it can get. Even a minor market, syndicated late-late-late-late night radio talk show. With him as always is Tyler, his publicist. Showtime is busy applying his makeup.)

Tyler: I'm pretty sure the radio won't be able to make out your face anyway.

Showtime: So what? All I need is one TMZ mook to get a shot of these crow's feet and I gotta get me more botox. Nope, better to put on a couple layers of pancake. Anyway...?

Tyler: (sighing) You're the Boss.

Showtime: Exactly. You're my employee, and what I say goes.

Tyler: (muttering) Damned housing bubble. Damned Glen Beck-sponsored investment Ponzi schemes.

Showtime: Anyway, I thought you were getting me on Letterman. Who the hell is this guy I'm talking to anyway.

Tyler: You mean you don't remember? He's one of your former Mini-Showtimes. He's also the number 5 talk radio personality in the entire District of Columbia!

Showtime: How many talk radio personalities ARE there in DC?

Tyler: Never mind. It's the best I could get you.

Showtime: I could fire you, you know!

Tyler: Oh yeah? My uncle Morrey is the one who's publishing that book of yours! Good luck getting someone with any real integrity to do it!

Showtime: And you'd be teaching Independent Cinema at ASU still, if I hadn't let you work for me!

Tyler: Let me...?! You begged me! "Tyler, even TNA won't hire me! Wah! Matt Warr called me a has-been!" Wah wah wah! I need to crash on your couch for a few weeks! Boo hoo!"

Showtime: Shut up! I'm about to rise back to the top of wrestling, and I am letting you ride on the coat-tails! I'm the king of this sport!

(A knock.)

Voice Through Door: You're on in two minutes, Mr. Stein!

(Showtime squeals a rather un-regal squawk and begins vigourously powdering his face.)

Showtime: Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I'm going on! I forget where I am!

Tyler: Washington.

Showtime: The state or weird thing with all the statues?

Tyler: Statues.

Showtime: Why am I here?

Tyler: Shill your book, hype IDR.

Showtime: Where am I?

(We cut to the studio, where the #5 talk radio personality, Eddie White, former Mini-Showtime and his guest Showtime chat.)

Eddie: Welcome back listener.

Showtime: Listeners.

Eddie: Trust me. Welcome back. With me for this portion of the Showtime is a man who's been dogged by such descriptions as "offensive stereotype", "insult to the profession", and "one thing Vince Russo even couldn't come up with..."

Showtime: HEY!

Eddie: It's Showtime.

Showtime: That is not the introduction my publicist gave you!

Eddie: No, it's the liner notes of your book.

Showtime: I knew I shouldn't have asked Denrol to write that.

Eddie: So Showtime, you're in town to participate in the WWA's annual extravaganza, the Independence Day Rumble. I guess the question on everybody's lips is: why the hell are you still with the WWA?

Showtime: Well, "Eddie," it's a little something called star-power. If you look at the roster the WWA has right now, you'll know that they are rather abysmal when it comes to recognizable talent.

Eddie: What do you mean? And why did you make quotations around my name?

Showtime: I ask the questions here!

Eddie: I think we're getting off topic.

Showtime: Enough banter. Where was I? Oh yeah, the state of the WWA. When word got out that I was once again a hot commodity in the wrestling industry, the WWA came begging for me to make a special appearance at the IDR.

Eddie: Word I heard was you begged them. They were content to just pay you your monthly wage in this "lifetime contract" and never acknowledge you again. But you then found a clause in your contract that requires a minimum amount of air-time.

Showtime: You must be thinking of Shaman. Our names sound alike.

Eddie: Uh, yeah. Well regardless...

Showtime: (Interrupting) Irregardless.

Eddie: ...what? Anyway, you now are claiming to be a genuine contender to both winning the IDR and being the next WWA champion? Excuse me.

(All radio stations have a "cough button" that allows the host to briefly cut the mike so he isn't heard horking on-air. It can also be used to cover up derisve laughter.)

Showtime: ...and that's how I'll win. Simple, really.

Eddie: Whew, you really crack me up sometimes. So anyhoo, the other matter of talk today with you is in regards to your book I Meant to do That. More and more former WWA personalities are coming forth saying you outright fabricated everything in the book.

Showtime: Lies. All lies spurred by jealousy. None of these so-called "former WWA personalities" have every written a book, and now that I have, they are all clamouring to make me look bad. It's very petty of them, really.

Eddie: So in other words, everything in the book is true?

Showtime: 100 per cent.

Eddie: So Randy Cross was actually an animatronic puppet.

Showtime: Yep.

Eddie: You orchestrated the whole Dave Harley/Devil's Own turn?

Showtime: All me.

Eddie: You personally taught Tracer Bullet everything he knows?

Showtime: And thus subsequently Eddie Van Dorn. Ingrate has never thanked me.

Eddie: And you won every WWA title?

Showtime: At house shows. Sadly any footage of those wins were lost in this mysterious fire.

Eddie: Isn't that the damnedest thing.

Showtime: It is. It really is. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a world title to win.

Eddie: Wouldn't you mean regain the world title?

Showtime: Wha...? Uh, yes.

Eddie: That's it. This interview is over.

Showtime: What?! That's my line!

(Showtime storms off. After a moment to sign off, Tyler joins Eddie in the broadcast booth.)

Tyler: Do you think I'm being cruel?

Eddie: You mean making him think I was actually recording the delusions that he lives and dreams?

Tyler: All the while taking his money as I did it.

Eddie: Nah. We really should get out of here before security finds us here. How did you get the key to this place anyway?

Tyler: Don't ask. Trust me.

Eddie: Hey, think there's an opening for a Mini-Showtime again?

Tyler: Sure, a little creative book-keeping, and *poof* Showtime is paying your salary again.

Eddie: Never ceases to amaze me how you manage to bilk him.

Tyler: He never learned basic math.

(And Showtime's entourage walk off, richer from the experience.)