[Start Part- 5: Shaman’s Party: The Kitchen]


(The Scene opens up with the Chuckster opening up the doorway to the refrigerator. He looks inside, and sees the same thing that the camera does. A refrigerator packed full with nothing but Campbell’s Tomato soup cans.)

Chuckster: Who filled the fridge with like… fifty cans of tomato soup?

(The Chuckster turns around just in time to catch a man standing in the entry way to the kitchen. He appears to be a Dave Harley clone, shirtless, glasses and all, only he has brown hair and it’s in a pony tail. He’s drinking from an opened up can of tomato soup. He places it down after a few more chugs and begins to speak.)

Man: What? I thought it was Coke!
Chuckster: Coke? A little creamy don’t you think?

(The Chuckster stares at him with the ‘you’re a f*cking idiot’ stare. The man just looks back at him staring with the blank look stare.)

Man: I thought it was the cherry flavored one?
Chuckster: Cherry? This is f*cking tomato! And besides… They sell Coke in six… twelve… and twenty four packs! Weren’t you wondering why you had to buy them all separately?

(He continues to look on blankly.)

Man: Well… it had a pull of top!
Chuckster: What? There is no such thing! You..

(The Chuckster looks down, and seeing that it is indeed a pull away top, he shakes his head understandingly.)

Chuckster: Well… now I…

(Now you can see that the Chuckster is upset, because he knows that the man is right. The man speaks back angrily.)

Man: Yeah… what?
Chuckster: I’m sorry dude… it does look an awful lot like Coke… I can see how you could have been so confused.
Man: Yeah!

(The Chuckster leans the bag of marshmallows towards the man)

Chuckster: Marshamellow?

Man: Fo sheezy!

(The man takes the bag of marshmallows and walks away. The Chuckster places the can back into the fridge.)

(The Chuckster shuts the fridge door, and walks over towards the microwave lying on the counter. On his way he passes by a toaster with cooked spaghetti inside it and hanging on it’s outside.)

Chuckster: Spaghetti? … In a toaster?

(He continues walking on towards the microwave, and stops in front of the oven.)

Chuckster: Damn I’m hungry… wonder if something’s in here!

(He open up the oven, only to find an uncooked turkey, a midget lies next to the turkey. The midget is sound asleep suckling his thumb and snuggling with the turkey.)

Chuckster: Oh better not ask.

(The Chuckster shuts the door quietly and continues on his way, looking at the food upon the counter. You both see Donuts with Bacon on top, Oatmeal cereal in bowls with Bacon, and the remains of what appears to be bacon topped Slurpees.)

Chuckster: Oh yeah… bacon! Damn glad I came to this party last night! THAT STUFF ROCKED!

(He resumes his travel only to again stop in front of the window this time. Looking out you both see a slice of pizza lying on the outside seal.)

Chuckster: Pizza!

(He lifts the glass up and watched the pizza travel with it.)

Chuckster: Pizza!

(He lowers it, and the pizza follows. He lifts it up, and the pizza slice still follows in the track. He does this several times over every time with the same result. It’s apparently stuck in the window’s pane.)

Chuckster: Damn Shaman!

(He closes the window and continues walking until he finally makes it over to the microwave. You can see that it is all burnt up, has a football in it, and a melted football helmet on top.)

Chuckster: Who in the hell put a football into the microwave?
Voice: What?

(Suddenly another man walks into the entryway to the kitchen.)

Chuckster: Was it you man?
Man: No… I put a chicken Pot Pie in.
Chuckster: Does this look like a f*cking chicken Pot Pie to you?

(The Chuckster opens the door up, pulls the football out of microwave, and throws it at the man. He catches it and throws it onto the messy floor.)

Man: Nah man… the pie started to melt so I threw it on top.

(They both look on top of the microwave at the melted football helmet.)

Chuckster: Does that look like a f*cking chicken Pot Pie to you?” (points at it.)
Man: Well… it was like golden brown last night… It was kind of dark and all … and besides I found it in the freezer anyway.

(The Chuckster looks down, and shakes his head understandingly.)

Chuckster: Well… now I…

(Again you can see that he is a little upset, because once again the Chuckster is wrong, and another man is right. He replies back angrily.)

Man: Yeah… what?
Chuckster: I’m sorry dude… it does look an awful lot like a pot pie… I can see how you could have been so confused. I too would have made the same mistake if I was in your shoes.
Man: Yeah! Damn right you would have… a$$ hole!

(The man turns around and storms off.)

Chuckster: But who put the football in here?

(Suddenly a voice from the other room speaks up loudly)

Voice: football? What? … I put a Chipotle Burrito in there last night!
Chuckster: AHHHHHH!

(He grabs his head and screams out, obviously very exasperated now.)

Chuckster: JUST… NEVER… MIND!
Voice: Ok.

(Now very tired, he turns around, and reaches for the coffee brewing in the maker. He grabs a nearby cup, pours himself a cup. He turns around and starts to smile, as if all of his cares in the world were gone, and begins to drink some. His smile turns to a frown of question as he swallows.)

Chuckster: Dude… what is this horrible… horrible crap?

(You hear a voice speak up from the floor.)

Voice: DUDE! … IT’S BEER COFFEE!”

(The Chuckster jumps back, surprised, almost spilling his coffee.)

Chuckster: Sorry man… didn’t see you sleeping there on the floor.
Voice: It’s ok dude… no problem. Nice shoes by the way!
Chuckster: Oh thanks man… they’re alligator skin you know!
Voice: Really? No sh*t?
Chuckster: Yeah man really!

(He looks down at the man while talking. The camera still focused on the Chuckster. He lifts a questioning eyebrow up as he speaks.)

Chuckster: Beer?... Coffee?
Voice: Yeah man… Beer Coffee? Dude… you know it’s awesome. Go ahead and try some.
Chuckster: Already did!
Voice: And?

(He continues to look down at him as he talks.)

Chuckster: It’s crap! Has less taste than Psycho’s Psychosis!

(The Chuckster takes another quick sip.)

Chuckster: Wait… actually… on second thought.

(He sips again.)

Chuckster: It’s… really… really good.
Voice: That’s ‘cause it’s beer coffee… Dude!

(The Chuckster looks up and laughs to himself, as he sips away and the scene fades to black.)


Chuckster: Hmm… beer coffee? … Who would have known?


[End- Shaman’s Party.]