(The scene opens with David "Sniper" Wattsoner standing... on a golf course?! The wrestling legend is teeing up, well attempting to. His stance resembles that of a hockey player about to take a slapshot. He swings and hits the ball, but it doesn't get very far. Sniper yells out a handful of swears words we can't let get through the censors. Once he is done, he turns to the camera.)

Sniper: And what do you guys want?

Cameraman: WWA's Labor Day Brawl is approaching and we were hoping to get a few comments from you.

Sniper: What is there to comment about? I'm going to beat three guys in the cage and walk out with my television title still around my waist. That's it, end of story.

Cameraman: Well it is traditional to say more.

Sniper: Why? That’s all these guys ever do, is talk and talk and talk. It's boring as crap. Than to make it worse, they break up their crap into parts and force us to watch it. I have to watch the other three's comments just in case they say something important that I should respond to. Thus I had to watch every single second of the most boring miniseries in the history of television. That being that Liam Jenson "Motivation" series. Good Lord, after just two of them, I was considering finding a nice sharp nail and sticking it in my eye to make the pain go away.

Cameraman: That's kinda harsh.

Sniper: Don't talk about harsh to me, boy. I think since you're here, I'll go ahead and give a message to Jenson. Listen, sonny, I don't care why you're a dick. The fans I'm sure don't care. All you're doing is wasting television time. Think, in the time it took to air your miniseries, that time could have been better spent, say by showing commercials for beer. That not just would have benefited society, it would have made this federation some money, unlike your rating-draining pile of sh*t.

Cameraman: Benefited society?

Sniper: Yeah. Commercials sell stuff. Selling beer means the companies will make money for the companies that make the beer. Thus the beer companies will expand and create jobs. It's a necessary cycle that Liam Jenson's cure for insomnia does not help.

Cameraman: Where did you get all that?

Sniper: CNBC. I know you look at me and see this never-sober middle-aged wrestler, but I'm cultured. I even know which fork is the salad fork.

Cameraman: Right... maybe we should get back to Jenson.

Sniper: Sure. So Jenson, you better stop and listen up. You';re going to pay for producing your little autobiography. You're going to pay bad too. For every single part of that series, I will beat you upside the head with a baseball bat covered with barbed wire twice. That equals eight shots, since I doubt you can count. When I'm done with your face, your little ex-girlfriend Tiffani, won't even recognize you.

Cameraman: I think that's a sour subject with him.

Sniper: Tough sh*t. This guy needs to get over her. How old is he?

Cameraman: I believe 28.

Sniper: There you go. 28. You think by now he would have learned women can't be trusted. They only care about themselves and getting what they want. He wasn't able to provide what she wanted, so she moved on. That's life. As for you and your "mentor", blah blah, tell it to a shrink. I couldn't care less.

(Sniper begins to walk over to the long-forgotten ball.)

Sniper: Anyway, this Sunday, all your talk will mean nothing. You are but one of three obstacles to me walking out with my title. You may be the most annoying and bitchy one, but you are just one. I've already talked way too long about you, I'm going to move on to another.

Cameraman: Okay, which one?

Sniper: Let's go with Tommy Starr.

Cameraman: He's been sortof silent.

Sniper: I know and I thank him for that. It makes my life easier when I don't have to listen to mindless idiots ramble on and on. Compared to Jenson's, Starr is almost saintly. But Starr does have a big problem. He's a member of Devil's Own. Now he does have about 5 days left till Labor Day Brawl, so he has 5 days to tell fish guy to take Devil's Own and shove it. Because that is the only way Starr is going to avoid a capital one ass-kicking.

Cameraman: I don't see Starr leaving.

Sniper: Yeah, he'll miss being the fish guy's lackey. So anyway Starr, with the elimination of Lockdown, Starr is my number one target. Maybe once he is out of picture, fish guy will wake up and realize that his little bang of brothers is under attack. Cold Pain Enterprising is the future of the WWA, not Devil's Own. I already did by myself what X-Corp tried so long to do and failed. I destroyed The Cell. Lockdown is gone and frankly I don't think he'll be returning after the beating I gave him. Tommy Starr will be finished off at LDB. Psycho is in jail and Chuckster is going to make sure he stays there. After LDB is over, fish guy is going to be all alone. Even if he gets by Grunge still intact, his backup will be MIA. He will be right in my sights and I will show no mercy. That I can promise.

Cameraman: Sounds like you're a man with a plan.

Sniper: Nothing wrong with that. I knew coming into the WWA and bringing back CPE, our ultimate goal would be to rid the WWA of every other stable. Youth United was killed by Chuckster, when he ran Eddie out of this federation. Through admittedly YU was in trouble long before we showed up. Devil's Own will be polished off at LDB. That means our job is half over. I admit that CPE: fiesta has a tougher job ahead of them. Both X-Corp and Forsaken Souls are pretty entrenched. But we in CPE enjoy challenges.

(Sniper takes his club and swings at the ball, but it still doesn't go far.)

Sniper: Jesus, this sport sucks. Anyway, that leaves my pal Shaman, right?

Cameraman: Yes.

Sniper: It's simple with him. I don't have any issue with Shaman, but at LDB, it's every man for himself. In CPE, we don't have an issue fighting each other. It could be over titles, it could be over a girl, hell it could be over who gets the last beer. What matters is that while we fight, neither guy feels sorry for the other and let's up. And when the fight is over, the winner helps the loser up, shakes his hand, and than both guys go backstage and drink a couple of cold ones.

(Sniper walks over to his ball again.)

Sniper: Shaman is bigger than me and he's one tough bastard. He got the better of me at IDR, but it's a whole new ballgame this Sunday. As I stated before, I'm undefeated in cage matches and I will not have that record ruined.

(Sniper takes another swing and does worse than the previous two combined.)

Sniper: Godammit, I'm sick of this crap.

(Sniper tosses his club into the air, it sails into a water hazard.)

Sniper: I got better things to do than learn this stupid sport. I have a cage match to get ready for.

(Sniper turns back to the camera.)

Sniper: I better wrap this crap up. In summary. Shaman, it's going to be fun. Jenson, you're in deep trouble buddy. And Starr, you're running out of time. Better make sure your will is up to date.

(The scene fades to black as Sniper walks off. But before Insider moves to the nest promo, white letters cross the screen.)

Labor Day Brawl
Devil's Own Dies

Deal With THAT!

(end)